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A parent's guide to (happily) living with adult children
When my 22-year-old daughter moved back home after four years away at university, I was genuinely excited. I pictured a kind of second act: Mother-daughter drinks, yoga classes, long walks in Toronto’s High Park and relaxed evenings with dinner and a movie at home.What I hadn’t envisioned was returning to the complexity of meal planning rather than simple meals with my husband, and lying awake at night worrying when she was out late after hitting the town with friends. When my son was back from Halifax for his university reading week in March, I found myself lining up eight slices of bread to make sandwiches for lunch, then nearly flinging them across the room. I realized I was done being mama bear in the kitchen.When adult children return home, parents often feel a rush of excitement at having their progeny back under the same roof. But they may also miss being empty nesters, with fewer meals to prepare, less to clean and the peace and quiet of a more independent home life. Other parents whose adult kids never left may yearn to know what an empty nest feels like.It’s now more common for adult children to live with their parents than in decades past. According to Statistics Canada, 57 per cent of 20- to 24-year-olds lived with their parents in 2021, and 47.5 per cent of all postsecondary students aged 20 to 34 lived with their parents in the same year.In other words, millions of Canadians are living in intergenerational households made up of adult children and their parents, often out of financial necessity.“Parenting in the 21st century is evolving into this situation where you’re helping your kids for much longer,” says Rob Carrick, former Globe and Mail columnist and author of the book How Not to Move Back in With Your Parents. Empty nest, full house: These parents are sick of storing their kids’ stuffMany parents today offer regular financial support to their adult kids, not just help with a one-time down payment or child care expenses for the grandkids, he said. It’s not that young adults can’t cope on their own, Carrick says: “It’s the economy.” Student debt, exorbitant rents and house prices, inflation and higher unemployment rates have made achieving independence more difficult. Regardless of these financial realities, some young adults may feel shame about returning to their parents’ home, or not moving out in the first place – even when the situation is not in their control.When Matthew Thiess, 21, left university in Montreal after a year and ret...
When Siblings Clash Over a Parent's Care
By Dr. Jennifer Gazda, LCSW, NCG, CMC, CDP When Siblings Clash Over a Parent’s Care In a perfect world, families would all agree and get along with each other during stressful situations or times of transition. Unfortunately, this is not often the case and not that uncommon. Families are in a constant state of change as there are transitions as we age and experience different stages of life. When an aging parent needs assistance, it is typically the children of the parent(s) who work together to make decisions. What happens when the adult children disagree and cannot come up with a plan to support their loved one? How can an Aging Life Care Professional assist in navigating the decision-making process and move towards a positive outcome? From personal experience, I find that adult children, sibilings, and extended family often make decisions for their parents instead of including them in the discussion. It is not meant to be with ill intention, but we are quick to try to find solutions to problems and move on. For example, let’s consider Joe* who is starting to show signs of cognitive decline. One child may want to move Joe to an assisted living facility and another child wants him to move into their house, but Joe has said for years he does not want to live anywhere else. Who gets to make this decision? Even if it’s unanimous among the family to move Joe, how are you going to physically have him leave his home when he is adamant to not leave? These types of decisions impact families in many ways and can cause family tension, which only further exacerbates the problem. When navigating difficult conversations with adult children, especially around aging parents or care decisions, thoughtful communication and mediation can make all the difference. Whether you’re a professional, a designated decision-maker, or a family member trying to help, here are key principles to guide productive and respectful discussions. Make Space for Every Voice Adult children often bring different perspectives shaped by their subjective experiences and emotions. Allowing time for each person to share their thoughts, without interruption, builds trust and reduces defensiveness. Even when disagreements arise, being heard can lower tension and move the conversation forward. Consider the Challenges of the Power of Attorney (POA) When a Power of Attorney (POA) has been appointed, their role can be both essential and challenging. They may face criticism or frustration from siblings who...
INFP Estranged Adult Children: Parenting Pain
Can an INFP parent rebuild a relationship with an estranged adult child? Reconnection is possible in many cases, but it requires genuine change rather than promises of change. Adult children who have chosen distance typically need to see consistent behavioral evidence that the dynamic that drove them away has actually shifted.
Parents of adult children | Mumsnet
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